The Jonah Complex: How to Stop Running From Your Own Light

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The Jonah Complex: How to Stop Running From Your Own Light

On a windy pier in the ancient city of Joppa, a young man buys a one-way ticket to sail in the opposite direction of his destiny...

The young man, Jonah, had been called upon by God to travel to the city of Nineveh to preach his word.

But, in the heat of the moment, he runs from this calling, boarding a ship and sailing off in the opposite direction.

When a divine storm threatens the ship during its sail, Jonah asks the crew to throw him overboard as he continues his flight from his true destiny.

He's swallowed whole by a whale, living in the belly of the creature for several days, during which he repents for running from his duties and is eventually spared.

This Biblical story (Jonah 1-3) has deeply relevant lessons for all of our lives (that have nothing to do with religion).

Thousands of years later, psychologist Abraham Maslow drew upon the tale in his writing on a common phenomenon he had noticed in his students:

The tendency to run from one's true potential.

Maslow wrote in his book, The Farther Reaches of Human Nature:

We fear our highest possibilities.

We are generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect conditions, under conditions of great courage.

We enjoy and even thrill to the godlike possibilities we see in ourselves in such peak moments. And yet we simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe, and fear before these very same possibilities.

So often, we run away from the responsibilities dictated, or rather suggested by nature, by fate, even sometimes by accident, just as Jonah tried in vain to run away from his fate.

The Jonah Complex is the so-named psychological phenomenon that describes the fear of our own light.

And once you see it, you'll never look at your world the same way again...

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The Two Types of Fear

I think that there are two types of fear:

1. The Fear of Failure: The fear that you will go after something and it won't work out. That everyone will know that you failed. That you will know that you failed.

2. The Fear of Success: The fear that you will accomplish everything you set out to achieve and never be able to live up to it again. The fear that everything will work out and you won't be deserving of that end. That you won't be ready for what comes from it.

You're familiar with the first type. You think a lot about how to fight back against it.

You rarely think about the second type—and it's particularly damning.

Sometimes you don't give your full energy to something because you're afraid of what will happen if it works out.

You're afraid of seeing what you're truly capable of. You're afraid of realizing your full potential goes far beyond the limiting stories you've been telling yourself. You're afraid of never being able to go back to the safety of those stories.

The new, sky-high expectations your success will place upon you. The new identity it will require. The loneliness. The isolation. The envy from peers. The imposter syndrome that will intensify as you're pushed into new rooms and beyond your boundaries.

So, you run. Just like Jonah, you recoil from your own light.

But here's the truth:

To fear your own light is to live in the dark.

And that's not where you belong.

You are meant to embrace the fear. To embrace your highest possibilities.

To shine that light.

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Escaping the Jonah Complex

We've all fallen victim to the Jonah Complex at one point or another.

It's natural. It's human.

Here are my core strategies for escaping the trap...

1. Name Your Enemy

My entire life changed when I realized that fear thrives in ambiguity.

Most of your fears exist in this murky, gray, clouded area of your brain. They thrive on your inability or unwillingness to stare directly at them.

What's more, we have an easier time admitting our fear of failure than our fear of success. We don't mind saying we're worried about failing. We feel ashamed to say we're worried about succeeding and what change and discomfort that success may create.

Naming your enemy means writing down exactly what you're afraid of and why you're afraid of it.

When you catch yourself shying away from a grand pursuit or ambition you feel pulled towards, pause to confront it:

• Are you afraid of failure, or are you hiding behind it to mask your true fear of success?

• What are you really afraid of? What specifically creates that fear within you?

• What can you do to address or deconstruct these fears?

Clarity destroys fear. Name your enemy.

2. Deconstruct the Task

When the enormity of your potential feels daunting, you have two options:

• You can freeze, or

• You can get to work

This quote is from one of my favorite movie endings:

"At some point, everything is going to go south on you...and you're gonna say 'this is it, this is how I end.' Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That's all it is, you just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem. Then you solve the next one. And the next. And if you solve enough problems, you get to come home." - The Martian

The fear of success comes from staring straight into the blinding spotlight of your full potential.

But you don't need to stare into the light, you can just focus on that one decision—that one problem in front of you.

Don't worry about the hundreds or thousands of decisions that you still have to make to get to where you want to be. Just focus on the next decision. Just begin. Solve one problem. Then solve the next one. And the next.

3. Center Yourself on Service

Fear of success is an inherently selfish fear. You're afraid for yourself.

The truth is that the fear melts away when you recognize the good that your success will create for those you serve.

That could be your partner and children, your family, your friends, your community, your customers, or anyone else.

When you reframe your life callings to center yourself on the service of others, you create a WHY behind your pursuits.

Repeat the following:

I may be afraid to shine my light, but confronting that fear is the cost of entry to build the life I want for the people I love. I can bear that burden. I can pay that cost of entry.

Your WHY is your most powerful tool in your fear arsenal.

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Shining Your Light

As Abraham Maslow wrote:

If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you’ll be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life. You will be evading your own capacities, your own possibilities.

Never plan to be less than you're capable of being.

Choose the scary path. Choose to stand tall. Choose to embrace the struggles that forge new strength. Choose to trade the comfort of the present for the meaning of the future.

Choose to shine your light.

You're meant for more. Start acting like it.